I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm like, not good at living.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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