I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
