11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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