She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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