everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
