We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
