the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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