Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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