You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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