Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
