Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
