spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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