I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
