Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
