Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
