Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your cock deserves a montage
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
