Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
