I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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