I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
