I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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