I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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