Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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