We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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