It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
