Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
