Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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