ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
