Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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