I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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