I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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