I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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