He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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