apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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