My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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