I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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