***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize