i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
honey bunches of taint.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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