I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
