When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
