i think my tv is drunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
