Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
