When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
