The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
