I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
