My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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