I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
