that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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