Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
