Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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