Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
