I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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