Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
