My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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