too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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