dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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