I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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