whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
