I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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