Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize