No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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