He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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