Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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