WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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