I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
