Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
