Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
