i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
