So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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