The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
