i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
