just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
