we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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